Madonna and Child - oil on canvas

I have chosen to publish my first entry at the same time as my introduction.  Here we go folks!

Madonna and Child, Twila Wayt - Oil on Canvas

Madonna and Child Twila Wayt - Oil Pastel on paper

Personal photo, Twila Wayt

     One of the exercises in my painting class in college was to work in the style of a particular artist.  I chose George Rouault for a number of reasons.  Initially, he was the artist that made me understand that being able to draw the human form perfectly was not as important as the story one needed to tell.  I absolutely love his crude figures, his glopping on of layer upon layer of paint in search of its perfect placement.  In his paintings I see his struggle to communicate.  As I began to study the man and his work I would come to understand what it was that he tried to say in images such as "The Old King - 1937".  He wanted to be an important religious painter.  I had read somewhere that he wished to make a painting of Christ so profound and inspiring that the image would draw men to God.  Finally, it is said that he once burned several hundred of his own "unfinished" paintings after a great deal of effort to retrieve them from his dealer's estate. Some suggest he did this out of spite, others suggest that it was simply because he didn't think he could "finish" them.

     I had completed a number of works while I imitated his style.  I selected his subject matter and various mediums during my study of  his work.  This painting stands out as my favorite among them as I believe it to be the closest to my understanding of him as an artist.  (At least in his later works.)

     The black and white photo is one that I snapped of my daughter and her first child.  We were goofing around with a piece of red satin and some skin.  I was using a regular old 35mm film camera and I wanted to experiment with that red as it translated into black and white.  My photography skills are not real keen, but I like to toy with it occasionally.  Though the image itself wasn't anything of a portraiture quality, I was still quite fond of it.  Her youth, innocence and most of all, her laughter just struck me as interesting.  As I often do, I stashed the image away in a special place, knowing it held some element I wanted in a painting.  Later, when I discovered George Rouault, I would find that "thing" I saw in the image.

The Theme 
     The message I was compelled to relay?  Mary, a young mother, enjoying her child's little fingers scraping across her skin.  The tickle.  The joy of just being a mom.  And yet, how could she be laughing when she knew all that was ahead of her?  And my mind began to race.  It wandered to scary places, joyous places, deeply philosophical places....

   From a religious perspective I find it amazing enough to contemplate a love so deep that it is able to look out of dying eyes and forgive.  A love that would say "No matter what you do to me, I WILL love you."  I have often thought that if I were on that cross, with all that god power within me, I might have turned the whole crowd into toads and shouted "Who's your god now bitches!"  But this path of love.  It is more frightening and powerful than a world turned to toads.  Yes, that is amazing enough, the love that says "No matter what you do to ME, I will love you."  But what of the love that says, "No matter what you do to my CHILD...."  ??

   As I painted this, I not only thought about my own daughter as a mother, but of my cousin and his wife as well.  My cousin's own daughter died of a cancerous brain tumor just past the age of five.  We watched helplessly as they fought for five years.  During those years there were moments, like her fifth birthday party, where laughter and smiles ruled the day.  In all of that fear, despair, struggle... there were moments of joy.  It was this moment that I hoped to portray in Mary.  Though she "knew all things" in her heart.... here, she was just a mom.  In this moment her faith said "No matter what you do to my child, I will love."  And I think of a God, that at the very moment of the birth of mankind ...."No matter what you do to my child, I will love."

Nuances of Technique
  I had noticed that George Rouault often placed his images inside of niches.  A niche would suggest a place of importance and I thought of old Byzantine alter pieces painted on panels for the alter.  This was Georges goal, to have his painting be a religious symbol of sorts.  It felt very natural to surround my moment in a niche.  Additionally, George is listed often with the Fauve artists.  (Think Matisse and the garish colors)  You will also find his work described (rightly so) as expressionist.  In keeping with those descriptions I chose a slightly funky color palette and kept my "expression" more upbeat. 

Beyond Rouault
  Unfortunately (or fortunately) the painting suffered an accident.  It is, at this moment, quite torn.  I removed it from the stretcher bars and rolled it up while I devise a new plan for it.  I am inclined to destroy it.  And then reconstruct it.  I had witnessed a student of mine chop up a painting that she didn't like, only to glue is to another surface with haphazard spaces between the pieces.  When the pieces started lifting off the surface, she grabbed some clear packaging tape and slapped it all over the piece.  The finished work was far more interesting than that with which she began.  (She's one of those rare "fearless" artists.)

   In my mind, I see the painting in pieces.  I see myself sewing the pieces together by hand.  I cannot imagine the finished piece.  Viggo Mortensen said in his book Recent Forgeries, "Making things is a way of finding out."  I have a certain faith about life that is reflected in my idea of art.  No matter how much you screw it up, just keep going.  It will work.  I guess I just have to "find out".